How I’ve finally managed to feel confident…

Don’t let the title fool you. I’m not some sort of super confident woman who never has days of low self -esteem and is always on point. I’m not, and frankly I think a woman like that would be a scary thing to behold. But, I’ve found over the course of 2019 that I’ve gotten so much more comfortable in my own skin. Not only that, I’ve gotten more confident in my opinions and beliefs. I used to feel so uncomfortable if I ever disagreed with someone, I wouldn’t say anything, just nod along and wait for the subject to change. Now, I’ve learnt that just because I disagree with someone, doesn’t mean I’m less than or my opinions aren’t valid. It just means we’re different people. This probably sounds like such a simple thing to learn, and perhaps you’ve got this one nailed, but it’s something I really struggled with.

Feeling confident and happy with yourself is an immensely personal thing. What works for me might not work for you. However, these are little things that I’ve started implementing in my life that have helped me feel confident.

It All Starts With Hair

A very simple thing, but I started to notice that when my hair was a bit greasy, knotted, or just generally untidy it made me feel like crap! I’d feel so unmotivated and just awful. So, I made an effort to really look after my hair and give it the attention it deserves. I’ve got ridiculously curly and frizzy hair that is a living nightmare at times, but, I invested in decent shampoo and conditioner and searched high and low for the best products. (I’ve got a blog post coming about how I deal with my frizzy hair, so watch this space.) Once I really started taking care of my hair, and it felt healthy and happy, it made such a difference to how confident I felt.

Fashion Isn’t Everything, But It Is Something

I am not one to spend hours shopping for clothes or even have a particular interest in them. If it fits and it’s comfy then I’m a happy chappy! But, like my hair, I made a conscious effort to change if I wasn’t happy with something. I had a complete wardrobe clear out, (this made my husband very happy as I do have quite a few clothes, and we have a very small wardrobe) I focused more on the clothes that made me feel good and chucked out the ones that didn’t. (It was hard, but I highly recommend it). I also became really conscious of the kind of clothes I was buying, I bought things that flattered me, not just ones that were baggy and cosy. Now, all the clothes that are in my wardrobe are clothes I feel good in. Again, something so simple but it was something I had to learn.

BOOKS!

I’ve always been a book worm, I credit my obsession with books to my dad, who ran out of space to put all of his books quite early on, so he built shelves, that filled up three entire rooms of the house. He’s a collector and I love him for it, but it did mean that when I left home and had a house of my own to furnish, the first thing I thought of was… where will the bookcases go! Anyway, the reason I equate books to being a reason for my boost in confidence, is that I started to read a different variety of books, normally I’m a romantic fiction girl all the way. But, I started to pick up some biographies and read books on subjects that fascinated me. I’m also a great lover of self help books, because sometimes they give you that kick up the arse ya need. Reading a variety of different books lead me to having some amazing conversations with people. Having your opinions heard and listened to is such an empowering thing.

Accepting Your Shit

This was a big one for me, but it was the most freeing thing in the world. As I said in my previous post, I’m a perfectionist. Which often leads me to be incredibly critical of myself, and really ruthless with my judgement of anything I do. My past mistakes started to haunt me in a way that was so damaging to my mental health. I would hold on to a mistake I made three years ago and would not let myself forget just how badly I had messed up. It was always there, like a shadow I just couldn’t shake, until it began to prevent me from looking forward. I couldn’t see past all of my mistakes and it began to take over my life. It got to a point when I could barely do anything, it sucked. But it made me look at myself in a way I hadn’t before. I thought, ‘you know what, yeah, I have messed up. I’ve made mistakes. SO WHAT?’ I’m a different person than I was two years ago, hell even two months ago. I’m growing and changing. So, I decided to say a literal ‘fuck you’ to that unrelenting, voice in my head. I moved on. It sounds simple, but it’s still something I work on everyday. Mistakes are how we learn, and it’s okay to make them! This alone gave me the biggest boost of confidence, because I wasn’t weighed down anymore.

It’s not an exact science and it’s not as simple as waving a magic wand. But, it’s important to feel good about yourself and I hope sharing my few tips helps you.

Allie x

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